Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Wanchai

Wanchai (to the tune of 'Downtown')

chris mercer 29.11.10

If you are young, and got nowhere to go, head down to Wanchai, Wanchai

All along the streets you'll find lots of bars and discos,

All are pretty seedy, but good enough to get pissed in.

Careful of your wallet and anything you're carrying

Be-cause-you-will-have-such-a-good-time-there

Oh Yeah, Wanchai, you'll find everything there, Wanchai

It is just waiting for youuu wanchai,wanchai

If you are old and feeling life has no meaning,head down to Wanchai,Wanchai

The wife gets on your nerves and you want to escape, just go to Wanchai, Wanchai,

Standing at the bar, you'll meet lots of sad gits,

As the beer goes down, you'll become another sad tit

In-Wanchai-it-doesn't-really-matter, just-drink-some-more beer-and-get-a-little -fatter,

oh yeah Wanchai, you'll lose everything, Wanchai, everyone's in the same boat, Wanchai it's there for you noooowww.wanchai wanchai

Got no money, and up for a laugh, head down to Wanchai,Wanchai

Stand on the street and watch the nutters go by oh yeah in Wanchai,Wanchai

24 hours a day, it never fails to impress,

The people that you see, are often quite depressed

Stand-on-the-corner-watch-the-world-go-by

Oh yeah, Wanchai, it has lots of 7/11s, Wanchai, there's always a party,Wanchai

It's just waiting for youuuuu-wanchai, wanchai, wanchai......

Royal Wedding mugs, again?

C.Mercer 29.11.10

So there is a Royal Wedding in the spring, Whoopee-fucking-doo! 'Oh! But Prince William is so nice' 'He has served his country at war' Yes, he has, and he deserves the same reward as the rest of his fellow soldiers, our respect and thanks-no matter how fucked up the actual decision to fight the war in the first place, and no matter how that war continues to drag on because of the sheer ineptitude of the politicians running it.

He doesn't deserve our congratulations about his nuptials anymore than the nice bloke down the road, who's marrying her from the pub. Good luck to them as well, but the whole country is not getting a day off work for them!

The last time the country was given a day off for a royal wedding was for Charles and Diana, that was money well spent, eh?

The great British Media scumbags have started a campaign for Charles to abdicate(his ascension) and William to become King, this because Charles is married to an ugly horse, and William's bit would look better on the throne. Harsh language indeed, I learnt it from The Sun, The Mirror and The Star. The same three papers that destroyed Diana and hounded her to death, have now turned on Charles for re-marrying a woman that looks remarkably like his mother, and his grandmother(you remember her, the old fascist hag who did nothing but gamble and drink brandy all day, but because of her vast wealth lived to a thousand, as her daughter will).

Why do we continue to allow this shite to carry on? The same reason why we vote Conservative, and allow banks to fuck up the whole country, we have become a feckless, gutless, apathetic bunch of hypocrites.

Sack the monarchy! Sell all of their stolen property and wealth. Create our first republic. We don't want Charles, but we don't want William either.

The students have got the right idea, destroy the vestiges of wealth that have put us in this situation, create chaos in the city(minus the violence against the police, they are only doing their job).

Don't stand for it anymore. Keeping the monarchy is as justified as the Catholic church's views on contraception, abortion and women priests-makes no sense whatsoever 'but it has always been that way'.

'Tradition' bound women's' feet and lives for millennia, and kept nations enslaved. Us 'peasants' have only had a vote and a voice for just over a century, women much less than that. William and Harry have lived charmed and rich lives not because they or their father or even grandfather earned the money to give them those benefits, but because their ancestors brutally oppressed nations, including the people of ours who endured hundreds and hundreds of years of servitude and serfdom. What is there to be proud of? Where is your fucking stately home and crown?

In the end the history of the British people, although not as brutal as that of those who suffered the unspeakable degradation of slavery, was never the less tragic. Yet, we allow the same family and families that subjected its people to these crimes to continue to enjoy the fruits of those crimes. WHY?

Monday, November 29, 2010

Top Tips

Top Tips

FACEBOOK USERS. Ensure your 'friends' are aware that you're being 'funny' with the addition of ten exclamation marks.

Top Tips

DAVE CAMERON. Avoid spunking two million quid up the wall on a happiness of the nation survey. We're all skint and pissed off.

Top Tips

STUDENT PROTESTORS. Remember: don't start breaking windows until photographers have formed an orderly semi-circle behind you.

Top Tips

SAVE time wrapping presents this Christmas by buying everyone you love long grey cardboard tubes.

Top Tips

PARENTS. Avoid scarring your children when watching violent movies by blindfolding them and locking them in a cupboard.

Top Tips

A BUILDERS' PORTALOO makes an ideal Tardis for strong-stomached kids.

Top Tips

TRAIN COMPANIES. Simply suffix your train times with '-ish' to avoid so many complaints.

Top Tips

BBC. Increase viewing figures for 'Later with Jools Holland' by broadcasting it earlier and with a different presenter.

Top Tips

HARRY POTTER FANS. Avoid a costly cinema trip to see the latest film by reading the book and creating the images in your mind.

Top Tips

A BOTTLE of shampoo is an excellent substitute for a pork pie. At least, according to Tesco Online shopping, it is.

Top Tips

PREVENT ornamental fish ponds freezing up this winter by filling them hourly with boiling water.

Top Tips

TRAMPS. Avoid being 'moved on' by investing in a tiny union jack and moving your sleeping bag to The Mall for the next 6mths.

Top Tips

ROYAL ENGAGED COUPLES. Do us all a favour and nip off to Vegas this weekend for a quickie wedding by an Elvis lookalike.

Top Tips

PREVENT your biscuit beaking and falling into your tea by wrapping tightly in cling film before dunking.

Top Tips

PENSIONERS. Rejoice. The thought of a lovely Royal Wedding will keep you warm this winter.

Top Tips

DAILY EXPRESS EDITORS: Why not contact Diana via a medium to see how delighted she is? Or make it up. Either way I don't care.

Top Tips

SAVE yourself a trip to Birmingham; go round a roundabout for 2 hours, then have a curry while Noddy Holder's on Radio 2.

Top Tips

TRICK people into thinking you're a time-traveller by buying clothes in Middlesbrough.

Top Tips

POLICE. Trouble identifying the troublesome student protesters? Put the images on Facebook. They'll tag themselves.

Top Tips

BANK ROBBERS. If you & your 'crew' have trouble telling each other apart when wearing ski-masks, then simply wear name badges.

Top Tips

METROPOLITAN police. Disperse the students immediately by threatening them with a long lecture.

Top Tips

DAVID Cameron. Whilst in China enquire as to how best to deal with student protests.

Top Tips

STUDENTS. While in London, head over to watch West Ham lose later, see how a real angry mob works.

Top Tips

OAP's. Phone doesn't ring as often these days? Pop a 'How's my Driving?' sticker on your car for hours of 'lively' chat.

Top Tips

CONVINCE people you are mentally ill by going out in the freezing cold in the middle of the night to queue for a computer game.

Top Tips

SAVE money on celebrity autobiographies by kidnapping them, locking them in a room and getting them to tell you their life story.

Top Tips-DAVE CAMERON. Avoid spunking two million quid up the wall on a happiness of the nation survey. We're all skint and pissed off.

Top Tips-GEORDIE GIRLS. The weather this weekend will be the perfect opportunity to test drive your short dresses and 5 inch heels.

Top Tips-JAMES BLUNT. Revive your career by remixing your biggest hit and offering to sing it at Bernard Matthew's funeral.

Top Tips-SEE what it's like to 'live life in a goldfish bowl' by filling your house with murky water and plastic castles.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Monday, November 15, 2010

Various



Today was a good day. Great breakfast in the Turkish,beside the pool and the beach enjoying the sun,phone call from my boys,sad farewells,slow boat back to hong kong-traditional junks in the harbour,skyscrapers that dwarf all in Europe and America with lasers and lights flashing,and now sat in their midst on my way home using the free wifi to send this post!

In hong kong news-12 people were taken to hospital today with burns after walking on hot coals.Make your own deductions.Furthermost in my mind though is,after the 6th person

was wheeled away,didn't the other 6

people have second thoughts?


Love this city


As I walk and travel through this metropolis of 7million people,its energy lights me up.Look above at the buildings 100 storeys high with their sleek designs, pulsating lasers and lights and then at the contrast below.From the puckingly rich down to the teaming middle classes and further to the abject poor,this is a city where wealth and despair rub shoulders. 80 year old women collect trash in the streets,Rolls Royces are ten a penny. You a re never alone here,life is everywhere,in your face,inescapable.It gives you that impetus, to say-fuck this, my life is not so bad,I have choices,I have the tools to succeed. On the tram that I took tonight,right through the middle of possibly the most expensive real estate in the world,which still only costs a staggering 17p, quiet at first and so I managed to get a seat it soon filled up with couples,pregnant women ready to drop, thugs,drunkards,maids,pensioners,queers,lesbians, and the insane! Next to me was a 70 year old man,suited and booted,probably some kind of councillor,and a narky young girl with headphones on.As we trundled along through the skyscrapers I noticed the old dear across from me,a hundred at least, was giving me the smilliest smile and a gummy one at that. I took off my headphones and tried to speak to her,but couldn't understand a word. She was lovely,and I felt we were kindred spirits,and although we hadn't managed to communicate verbally,I continued to smile and nod at her for the remainder of the tram ride. She seemed happy,and so was I. I love this city!And some way or another I will keep on complaining until there are no more 80 year old women collecting rubbish on the streets.