Normality

Normality doesn't work-for me! I wish it did, I wish it had. I wish it would.

Normality is not the same as mediocrity(I will possibly always be stuck in mediocrity), I still believe being normal is something to aspire to.

I tried, I was a fucking civil servant for 2 years, I went to an office everyday and interacted quite happily, I even amazed myself and fitted in. I went home everyday and did normal shit, I loved it. Yet, the more normal I became, I found the more I was condemned. I tried again and became a normal guy looking for a job, that didn't work either. The more I did normal shit, the worse my life became, being teetotal was bollocks, staying home was bollocks, it was easier doing what the fuck I wanted, but I didn’t want to do what I wanted, I wanted to not do what I wanted, or what I was expected to want. The more normal I became, the worse my life became, the worse I was treated. I had no problem being normal, I loved it, and hoped I could settle into a happy state of normality. It was not to be, even now when I try and be normal, normality seems to punch me in the face and say, normality for you my son will be a life of madness and abuse-fuck normality, it's not for you. As I said, normality was something I aspired to, but no more! How many times do I need to put my hands in the fire before the message gets through?