"Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."John Bishop"
I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again." Tim Vine
"I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."David Gibson
"I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them."Emo Philips
"I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid." Jack Whitehall
"As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog." Gary Delaney
"What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."Bo Burnham
"Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."Gary Delaney
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