Thursday, December 30, 2010

Ouagadougou

Another windfall!
This woman just lost her husband and she is apparently about to die herself, but she has chosen me to spread the word of God, with the $8.5m dollars she is going to give me. The money is in a bank in Ouagadougou which has really got to be the coolest named place in the world. Unfortunately, in all good conscience i wouldn't leave myself in charge of an umbrella, and just in case there actually is a god, I certainly don't want to nick his dosh, but if you are indeed a person of the cloth, or in need of $8.5m the original letter from the tragic, insanely generous woman is below.

daisymercy0001@gmail.com



Dear God's elect,

I am writing this mail to you with heavy tears In my eyes and great sorrow in my heart, My Name is Mrs. Daisy mercy, and I am contacting you from my country Tunisia I want to tell you this because I don't have any other option than to tell you as I was touched to open up to you, I married to Mr. Daisy Brown who worked with Tunisia embassy in Burkina Faso for nine years before he died in the year 2005.We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a fatal accident that took his life. Since his death I decided not to remarry, When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of US$ 8.5m (Eight Million Five hundred Thousand Dollars) in a bank in Ouagadougou the capital city of Burkina Faso in west Africa Presently this money is still in bank. He made this money available for exportation of Gold from Burkina Faso mining.

Recently, My Doctor told me that I would not last for the period of seven months due to cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Having known my condition I decided to hand you over this money to take care of the less-privileged people, you will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want you to take 30 Percent of the total money for your personal use While 70% of the money will go to charity" people in the street and helping the orphanage. I grew up as an Orphan and I don't have anybody as my family member, just to Endeavour that the house of God is maintained. Am doing this so that God will forgive my sins and accept my soul because these sicknesses have suffered me so much.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank in Burkina Faso and I will also instruct the Bank Manger to issue you an authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of the money in the bank that is if you assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein.
Always reply to my alternative for security purposes
Hoping to receive your reply:
From Mrs. Mercy Daisy


Ouagadougou gets a bit hectic on Tuesday afternoons.

Cooking 1am 30 December 2010-Noodles


Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Monday, December 27, 2010

Roll on 2011

Shit day, shit week, shit month, shit year-fuck you 2010, roll on 2011 !

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Down

Life is full of fucking surprises,just when you thought you had reached rock bottom, it turns out there is indeed further down to go!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Monday, December 20, 2010

Friday, December 17, 2010

Shame

Shame on Hong Kong
RTHK-
Two elderly street sleepers have been found dead as temperatures in Hong Kong plunged to their lowest in December for 11 years. One was lying unconscious in a park in Ngau Tau Kok, while the body of the other was discovered in Kwun Tong. Temperatures dipped around Hong Kong, with the mercury plunging to minus-three Centigrade on Tai Mo Shan. The Observatory, said that a low of 5.8 degrees was recorded there this morning.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Jokes- (via Giles)

A Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.


She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans.

Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'


'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?'

'I am a Man United fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, why are you a Man United fan?'

'Because my mum is a Man United fan, and my dad is a Man United fan, so I'm a Man United fan too!'

'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Man United fan.

You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time… What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would
you be then?'

'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.




An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.

He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.

They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'

Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.

Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a
pint of bitter.

Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.

After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.

When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone.It's a miracle!'


Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.

As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.

'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,

'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Stolen snowman

Anarchy in the UK

A
Anarchy in the UK as reported by 3 Dailys.

The Star gets its priorities right as ever!

Sunday, December 05, 2010

Time and space

Being able to contemplate our own existence is probably man's greatest ability. Recent discoveries in quantum mechanics and astrophysics probably our greatest achievements, at least since we landed on the moon, or sent voyager off into the stars. I say 'we' in the same way as I say 'we' had a good win last night if Liverpool have managed to win for a change. These discoveries have had bugger all to do with me, and never will. Instead I am quite happy to hang onto the coat-tails of the great and the good in the name of mankind.

Descartes was way before his time when he said 'I think therefore I am' this simple statement could be the ultimate definition of what it means to be human. Philosophy died between 50 and 100 years ago overtaken by physics, rendering philosophy's 'ultimate' questions irrelevant and redundant. 'Who am I? Why am I here?' are still questions that remain unanswered, but the questions seem obsolete and unnecessary. Obviously the answers are personal, there for the individual to define for themselves, may it be father, mother, millionaire, to serve god....etc

Yet our understanding of our physical world and our origins and the origins of everything has increased so far, within our lifetimes that it is incomprehensible. At the time of Plato and the ancient thinkers, mankind took a small hop forward by using logic to examine our surroundings, a thousand years later we took a skip at the time of Copernicus with our understanding of the planets, and a jump with Darwin's Theory of gravity. We took another jump last century thanks to Einstein's Theory of relativity and have continued making huge strides ever since, but it is the last 10 years that we have made that great leap forward.

Over the last ten years we have confirmed how the universe was formed, The Big Bang theory has been around for a lot longer, but it is only now that we have been able to fully explain it.

The universe began as a single point, outside the confines of space and time. A miniscule point 15 billions years ago, a singularity, where the accepted rules of physics did not apply. That point created the conditions for it to spontaneously come into existence. All this talk of being outside the confines of space and time and outside the accepted rules of physics have until recently sounded more like sci fi than real science, but it has been the huge step forward in Quantum mechanics that have enabled us to understand this paradox.

I do not pretend to fully comprehend all of this, but the gist is clear. Deep within each atom, and deep is the operative word we eventually reach the level of quarks, the strangeness of which is mind blowing. Under a microscope we cannot see quarks, we cannot capture them, not in the conventional sense anyway. It's a little like knowing something is there, but each time you look it disappears! But we can predict where they will be, and are able to trace their path. Quarks don't follow our usual understanding of physics, they behave in ways which are physically impossible , yet everything in the universe is comprised of quarks contained within neutrons, atoms, etc.

It has been the ability to match quantum theory and Einstein's theory of relativity, and a few other theories which eluded scientists, but no longer-'M' Theory is the closest we have come to the Holy Grail of 'The Theory of Everything'. Simply put, each of these theories has now come together separately and at times overlapping to produce a 'map' of the universe and space and time itself. This theory leaves open the existence of other universes apart from our own universe, and that thought is truly staggering.

It is that understanding of our universe, from the quantum level through to the beginnings of our universe and beyond that is surely our greatest achievement. The idea that our puny, miniscule selves are now able to comprehend our place in the whole scheme of things is remarkable for an ape like being. We still have much to learn, and in time we may have a better understanding of other facets of the universe that may at the moment be just too beyond our capabilities. As a monkey may not understand the concept of calculus(neither do I, but I know it involves maths!), there will obviously still be concepts alien to ourselves. I think these may involve space and time, and maybe even our own existence.

All of this doesn't preclude the existence of god or gods. No matter how far we go back scientists may never answer the final question-Why? God could be a small child playing with his chemistry set, and our universe his experiment. A nun once said to me 25 years ago, 'Faith is all you need to believe in God, to prove his existence is not necessary if you have faith that he is there'. Faith is a personal choice.

I have recently begun to question Richard Dawkins' motives, his only role seems to be to prove that God doesn't exist, and in that sense he is missing the point. His questioning the bible's authenticity is meaningless, those that take it literally will always take it literally, no matter what is proved. Richard Dawkins has become what he has fought against-a zealot! The control of religion is a political question, and has no place in science.

Do these findings affect us in our everyday lives? In reality, no! But the knowledge and understanding that we now have about matter, particles, atoms etc may well have practical uses in the coming years.

I find it comforting to think that I have billions and trillions of unpredictable quarks that make up my physical being. In some ways, knowing that these same parts of me will continue into eternity is comforting, and who knows may retain some impression of me beyond my understanding.

Knowing that I am an infinitesimally small part of the universe(s) makes me worry less about my rent!