Truthful advertising slogans

• Conservative party: "Because, deep down, you know that posh people are supposed to be in charge."
•Online roulette: "If you're even reading this slogan, it appeals to you slightly, which means you're bound to piss all your money away somehow, so it might as well be on this."
• Payday loans: "If you were the sort of person who was ever going to understand compound interest, you wouldn't be in this mess. We can literally put off the shitstorm until next week. I mean, next week! It'll probably never happen!"
• Cancer Research UK: "Don't think of this as chucking your money away altruistically, like with Amnesty. Face it, you're never going to go to North Korea but, with your diet, bowel cancer is a very real possibility."
• Channel 5: "It can't all be 'appointment to view'. Sometimes you've just got to have something on in the background. And I bet you've still got an inkling that we might show some crafty porn come 3am."
• Pimm's: "It may be unrelentingly sugary but you can drink it outdoors without looking like a tramp."
• Twiglets: "OK, they're pretty unpleasant, but eat 12 and then tell me you don't want a 13th."

• Give blood: "Obviously you're not going to and this campaign is wasted on you – just don't go around thinking you're any kind of saint, that's all."
• Ferrari: "Drive a Ferrari and most people will think you're a dick – but in an envious way, like they feel about Richard Branson, not a dismissive one, like with the chairman of a pressure group trying to block a wind farm development."
David Mitchell-The Observer
'Live in Lantau':Semi-alcoholic? Why not go the whole hog?
'Drink in Lan-Kwai Fong' 'Bit of a twat? More money than sense, you'll feel right at home'
'Wanchai-24 hours a day' 'Too old,desperate, and skint for Lan Kwai? Drown your sorrows with the rest of us, and meet the local trannies!'