Hurt

Old friends

Met an old friend tonight, an Indonesian girl, she was with her German husband and her 2 beautiful children. She used to come on days out with her ex-boyfriend and join us for BBQs at the beach. She pulled out a photo of her with my eldest son when he was a baby.It was laminated and cut around so it really was only of her and my son.
She was a lovely girl, and she doted on our kids, my heart broke when I saw the picture, she had it there, in her wallet. 8 years later.

Wrath

Relationships these days are ended in a myriad of ways,text,facebook,etc.General​ly those are used for boyfriends and girlfriends,and we all gasp at the inhumanity. How about An 11 year marriage,where there was no single act,no crux,no discernible point or reason.but no text,no e-mail,no notice in the paper,just nothing.because the people invilved were 7000 miles apart,silence was absolutely deadly. 13 years,2
children,a whole life of UPs and of course downs,met with a deadly silence.indefensible,insur​mountable. 8 months go by,I am still as fucking clueless as I was then,of course then I put it down to stubborness,but as time has passed by,there is something else at work,and it is so negaive in nature,I cannot Speak about it.over the years people have good times and bad,people that know me,know I have always tried to keep a positive spin on shit,and until the day I die,I will never curse the mother of my children,I just wish I knew what I did to provoke such wrath


Sometimes I wonder if there is a difference if they had all died a horrific car crash,but of course I know there is a difference,although lost to me forever,at least I know they are okaY,they continue,they go on.It works vice-versa also,and I think it would be easier for them if they didn't know I carried on,surely it would be better if I didn't exist.don't take that the wrong way,I am too cowardly for anything so drastic,naturally life will soon catch up with me anyway.

Machine

I sleep in 4 hour cycles,to the minute.I could set my clocks, it is that exact.If I sleep at 10,11,12 I will wake up exactly 4 hours later. Can't sleep with the air con on,too cold,but I wake up too hot and have to cool the room down again.Once cooled down I begin my second 4hours,which again will be spot on 4 hours(unless interrupted by my alarm clock).I think I must have been replaced by a machine.

Father recalls farewell to children http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23969734-father-recalls-farewell-to-children.do

The End

For 8 months, I listened to the advice, and kept my head down.It did no good, things could not possibly be worse.This week, my parents were once again insulted, and ostracized, for no reason. The shit is beyond belief. I left because of the abuse so now I am far beyond the reach . No matter how many hoops we jump through, it is never enough. So it is time to finally accept defeat, there is no way back. Of course it is my boys who will suffer, and that is why I have tried every avenue possible, but 5 months ago my wife stopped speaking to me, and has not said a single word to me since. That silence as they say is louder than words. If you would like Teosdee's side of the story or find out how my kids are doing e-mail her.