Bike ride

Great bike ride today, sunny, we got lost, ended up cycling about 12 miles, Jack was tired and said he doesn't want to cycle that way again.Even Joseph was flagging.Teosdee fell off! Here is the route.Zoom in for a closer look.
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View Our bike ride 12 Aug 2010 in a larger map


And here are some pics-

Fifa world rankings

Real test answers! cheers Giles!

Letter from Africa

I received this e-mail today, and will be sending my bank account details to this poor girl who needs to transfer US$5.7m to my bank account and who needs a place to stay in the UK! Strange that she would trust me with so much money, but if I can help, why not?


Hello Dear,

I know this might come to you as a surprise, but please do accept it in good faith and treat as a matter of urgency with utmost confidentiality. I am Miss Nybol Henry 23years of age, still single. God is the first in my life, I hope that he is for you as well! I am from Northeastern Africa Sudan, now seeking for refugee in Dakar Senegal under the (UNHCR).

My (late) father Dr. Henry Hani, was the Managing Director of Sudanese Boost Co. Ltd company of importing Machineries & Equipments for Industry, also a successful business man of exporting of cocoa. But he was killed along side with my mother during the longing civil war and all his properties were totally destroyed. I couldnt help it but cry and cried as I became homeless. I felt so devastated and depressed as I have lost virtually everything I had including my school certificates and my passport.

However, after the death of my parent, I managed to escape with a very important document (DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE ($5.7USD) Five Million Seven Hundred Thousand U.S Dollars deposited by my late father in one of the leading bank with my name as the next of kin. Whatever the struggle I went through, I always ensured nothing separates me from these documents as my life depends on it right now.

I am searching for a true friend. Some one who is God fearing, kind and honest to stand as my foreign representative to help me transfer my inheritance funds so I can leave this camp and come over to your country and continue my education.

Furthermore, you can contact the bank for confirmation, I will send to you the full contact address of the bank, once I get your positive response to help me with the transfer of the funds to your bank account, and help me with the investment of the funds, and my coming over to join with you in your country.

In the light of above I will like you to keep it to yourself and don't tell it to anyone for I am afraid of loosing my life and the money.

Please kindly reply me back if you know in your heart you would want to help me. Remain Bless

Nybol
*kisses**

Truthful advertising slogans

• Conservative party: "Because, deep down, you know that posh people are supposed to be in charge."
•Online roulette: "If you're even reading this slogan, it appeals to you slightly, which means you're bound to piss all your money away somehow, so it might as well be on this."
• Payday loans: "If you were the sort of person who was ever going to understand compound interest, you wouldn't be in this mess. We can literally put off the shitstorm until next week. I mean, next week! It'll probably never happen!"
• Cancer Research UK: "Don't think of this as chucking your money away altruistically, like with Amnesty. Face it, you're never going to go to North Korea but, with your diet, bowel cancer is a very real possibility."
• Channel 5: "It can't all be 'appointment to view'. Sometimes you've just got to have something on in the background. And I bet you've still got an inkling that we might show some crafty porn come 3am."
• Pimm's: "It may be unrelentingly sugary but you can drink it outdoors without looking like a tramp."
• Twiglets: "OK, they're pretty unpleasant, but eat 12 and then tell me you don't want a 13th."

• Give blood: "Obviously you're not going to and this campaign is wasted on you – just don't go around thinking you're any kind of saint, that's all."
• Ferrari: "Drive a Ferrari and most people will think you're a dick – but in an envious way, like they feel about Richard Branson, not a dismissive one, like with the chairman of a pressure group trying to block a wind farm development."
David Mitchell-The Observer
'Live in Lantau':Semi-alcoholic? Why not go the whole hog?
'Drink in Lan-Kwai Fong' 'Bit of a twat? More money than sense, you'll feel right at home'
'Wanchai-24 hours a day' 'Too old,desperate, and skint for Lan Kwai? Drown your sorrows with the rest of us, and meet the local trannies!'

Chinese press on cop slapping case.

明報社評 2010.08.04
From MingPao
http://english.mingpao.com/cfm/database3.cfm?File=20100805/critic/ema1.txt
Justice Must Be Seen To Be Done
三度襲警均免囚 司法公義蒙陰影 Publishing Date: 2010/8/5

【明報專訊】OVER the past nine years, Amina Mariam Bokhary, whose uncle is Kemal Bokhary, a Permanent Judge of the Court of Final Appeal, has thrice been charged with assaulting a police officer. In all the three cases she pleaded guilty or was convicted, but she was invariably given light sentences. She has thrice avoided being jailed. Such cases are very rare indeed.

終審法院常任法官包致金的侄女Amina Mariam Bokhary （以下稱Amina），9年來3次被控襲警罪，分別都罪名成立或認罪，但是她都先後獲得法官輕判，毋須坐牢，情極其罕有。

Celebrities and their relatives who fall foul of the law have inherent advantages. They have the money to retain barristers or senior counsel, who would rack their brains to defend them. They can have their health reports prepared by medical authorities, and they may ask other celebrities to give character evidence or provide affidavits for use in mitigation.

一般名人或名人親屬涉及刑事案件，由於他們有財有勢，本來已經有先天優勢，包括有財力聘請大律師甚至資深大律師，為他們挖空心思打官司，也可以請權威醫生寫健康報告。另外，也可以動員社會名流為品格證人，作為向法官求情之用。

Amina has such advantages. Her uncle Kemal Bokhary is a Permanent Judge of the CFA, and her aunt Verina Saeeda Bokhary, a High Court judge. Is their illustrious status in the judiciary her another advantage? Has that had anything to do with her trial? It is on this point that the controversy her sentence has aroused centres. That is what many people want to find out.

就Amina而言，除了上述優勢，她的叔父包致金身為終審法院常任法官、她的嬸嬸包鍾倩薇是高院原訟庭法官，他們兩人在司法界的顯赫地位，會否成為被告另一層優勢，在侄女的案件中起過作用，正是此案宣判後，引發輿論熱烈討論的原因，也是許多人心中疑問的關鍵所在。

The magistrate attached great importance to Amina's "good background, well-off family and outstanding academic achievement". Saying she was a sick person who needed help rather than a bad one, he put her on probation for one year for assaulting a police officer, fined her $8,000 for refusing to provide a breath sample and suspended her licence for one year for careless driving. According to lawyers, a first offender of the crime of assaulting a police officer should be jailed, though a magistrate may be justified in taking certain factors into account and showing leniency. However, it is unacceptable not to jail a person who has again committed the offence. It is totally unacceptable not to have jailed the defendant (guilty for the third time of the offence).

至於判決，裁判官重視Amina的良好背景、美滿家庭及教育，更認為她並非壞人，是需要接受幫助的病人，就襲警罪只判她接受1年感化；其餘拒絕提供呼氣樣本及不小心駕駛，則分別判她罰款8000元及停牌1年。不過，法律界人士認為，初犯襲警罪，已經可以判處入獄，基於一些考慮寬大處理，還可以接受，但是再犯仍然不判囚，則不能接受，被告第三次襲警，竟然獲得輕判，毋須入獄，更是無法接受。

Furthermore, according to lawyers, the court does not normally admit intoxication or bipolar disorder as a defence or ground for mitigation. In 2008, Amina pleaded bipolar disorder in defence and mitigation when she was tried for the second time for assaulting a police officer. She resorted to the same trick. The court did not declare whether she received treatment for the disorder during the two intervening years. However, the court ought not to allow any person suffering from a disorder to keep relying on it to bully others.

另外，法律界人士又認為酗酒和躁狂抑鬱症，作為抗辯和求情理由，一般情下，不會得到法庭接受，且在Amina的案件中，她2008年第二次襲警時，已經用躁鬱症來抗辯和求情，這次她故技重施，但是兩年來是否就此接受過治療，法庭並沒有交代。法庭總不能容許恃病凌人的情，繼續存在。

The police are disgruntled at Amina's light sentence. A netizen has set up a Facebook group to demand strongly that the Secretary for Justice to intervene and secure Kemal Bokhary's niece's severe punishment. The call has drawn splendid response. At of yesterday, over 10,000 people had joined the group. It is just one of the things the Secretary for Justice must do to allay public resentment. The affair concerns the rule of law. The Secretary for Justice has a duty to ascertain whether the magistrate's decision is appropriate. Magistrates often hear cases of drink driving or assaulting a police officer and, in such trials, the Amina case may be cited as a precedent. If other magistrates ruled as Anthony Yuen did, would offenders not have to be put behind bars?

Amina獲得輕判，警隊反彈甚大，有網民在facebook設立一個「強烈要求律政司介入，重判包致金侄女」的群組，可謂一呼百應，到昨日已有逾萬人加入。律政司要撫平民情，只是事態的其中一面，就算在法治層面，律政司也有責任釐清判決是否恰當。因為裁判法院審理很多這類酒後駕駛和襲警案，而 Amina的案例，有可能會被援引。其他法官若都像阮偉明般判決，這樣就突出了同類案件的被告，是否都不用坐牢的問題。

Society does not want the court to be harsh towards celebrities or their relatives. It only expects it to deal with them as it does others - to take facts as the basis and the law as the criterion.

對於名人或名人親屬，社會人士並非認為要嚴苛對待他們，只是期望法庭實事求是，正常的「以事實為基礎，以法律為準繩」，與其他各色人等一視同仁而已。

"Not only must justice be done; it must also be seen to be done." It is quite clear that the Amina case fails this test. The Secretary for Justice ought to seek a remedy. Under the existing procedures, he may require a retrial by the same magistrate (Anthony Yuen). If he finds the retrial unsatisfactory, he may refer the case to the Court of First Instance. It is incumbent upon the Secretary for Justice to safeguard the rule of law. We hope he will take action to put the Amina case right so that the public will see justice is upheld.

司法公義不但要做得到，在實踐過程中也要使公泷看得到。Amina的案件，顯然未能滿足這個準則的檢驗要求。律政司必須尋求補救，按現有程序，律政司可提出覆核，由原審裁判官阮偉明處理，律政司若仍然不滿覆核結果，則可交由高院原訟庭覆核。捍衛法治是律政司的責任，期望律政司採取行動，就Amina 的案件，還香港和市民一個公道。

New Home

New Home

Hong Kong Justice-you have the money, you can get away with anything!

Articles taken from The Standard

The Standard

Police uproar over light sentence for judge's niece
Police have urged the secretary for justice to review the sentence handed out to a niece of a top judge for assaulting a police officer, amid concerns over its leniency.
Serinah Ho
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Police have urged the secretary for justice to review the sentence handed out to a niece of a top judge for assaulting a police officer, amid concerns over its leniency.

The police announcement came as junior officers inundated their association with calls and e-mails expressing disgust over the light sentence handed out to Amina Mariam Bokhary.

Barrister and legislator Ronny Tong Ka-wah - who said it was not unusual for police to make such a request - called for clarification over sentencing standards.

Police Inspectors' Association chairman Liu Kit-ming said yesterday he will send a letter to Deputy Commissioner of Police Lee Ka-chiu this week to report the concerns of frontline police officers.

Bokhary, the 33-year-old niece of Court of Final Appeal judge Kemal Shah Bokhary, was spared a jail term on Monday at Eastern Magistrates' Court, despite being convicted for a third time of assaulting a police officer.

Bokhary was put on probation for a year on the grounds she has a drinking problem brought on by bipolar disorder - or manic depression - and comes from a good family.

A spokeswoman for the Department of Justice said yesterday it is still investigating the rationale of Bokhary's sentence and will decide if a review is needed after the investigation.

Liu said: "Our police officers are highly concerned about the sentence and they worry about the corresponding treatment of similar offenses in the future. The sentence is obviously too light. Assaulting a police officer is a serious crime and this lady had repeatedly attempted the same crime."

He added that the case could give the impression that the rich can receive special treatment in court, and urged the High Court to clarify the sentencing standard so that lower courts could follow it when handling similar cases.

"We are not pointing at Bokhary nor do we hope she can be imprisoned. What we are concerned about most is [there are] guidelines for similar cases."

Lawmaker Tong said the court should clarify the sentencing standard so as to regain public confidence in the judicial system. The light sentence had evoked public anger.

Stephen Hung Wan-shun, chairman of the Hong Kong Law Society's criminal law and procedure committee, said the chance of a review of Bokhary's sentence is low. "Whether the court will review the sentences depends on whether the judgment is manifestly inadequate or wrong in principle.

"I think in this case, Bokhary's sentence of one-year probation, disqualified driving license as well as a fine of HK$8,000, are not manifestly inadequate, which may imply a lower chance of review."

Bokhary was banned from driving for a year. She had pleaded guilty last month to assault, careless driving and refusing to take a breathalyzer test.

Businessman's son avoids jail term
The teenage son of a prominent businessman was yesterday ordered to perform 150 hours of community service for drink-driving and driving his father's car without a license.
Dennis Chong
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
The teenage son of a prominent businessman was yesterday ordered to perform 150 hours of community service for drink-driving and driving his father's car without a license.

Clinton Tong Tsun-tak, 18, is the son of Carl Tong Ka-wing, vice chairman of listed company eSun Holdings and a director of Crocodile Garments.

He pleaded guilty at Eastern Magistrates' Court to drink-driving, careless driving, driving without a license, taking a conveyance without authority and using a vehicle without third-party insurance. Tong was also fined HK$12,000 and banned from applying for a driving license for one year.

The court heard that in the early hours of March 27, Tong took his father's car from his residence on Bisney Road to drive a 17-year- old female friend home.

But the car was in collision with a taxi on Victoria Road, and the taxi driver was taken to hospital.

Police found Tong had no driver's license and was driving without third-party insurance. A breathalyzer test recorded 33 micrograms of alcohol per 100 milliliters, exceeding the legal limit of 22mg/100ml.

Acting principal magistrate Bina Chainrai said she would not give Tong a jail term as he did well in school, had a positive probation officer's report and spent leisure time in charity work. Tong, who had apologized, had also made a compensation payment of HK$180,000 to the taxi driver.

His lawyer said that Tong had had a few beers at the Rugby Sevens, and was upset after breaking up with his girlfriend. He took his father's car only because he did not have enough cash to take a taxi with his friend.

The court also received mitigation letters from various well-known figures, including Basic Law Committee member Maria Tam Wai-chu and former lawmaker Selina Chow Liang Suk-yee.

Re-review

The Great War For Civilization: The Conquest Of The Middle East
Robert Fisk



This is a review that I wrote a couple of years ago for this book, nothing has changed.I finished the book, and it remains the definitive book if you want to understand how the Middle East became what we see today. From Iraq to Israel and beyond.Who did what and when and why. Robert Fisk is indeed a mighty journalist, his thirst for the truth has made him many enemies over the years. His love of the peoples of the region is obvious as is his contempt for the leaders both within the region and those in the West who have destroyed so much. My original review is below.
'The Great War for Civilisation,The Conquest of the Middle East' by Robert Fisk is by far the most disturbing book that I have (half) read. Today I am on page 585, only another 701 pages to go! So far the book has dealt with Afghanistan,Iran, Iraq,Palestine and Israel(and the first world war, and touched on the Holocaust- and the Armenian Genocide). Robert Fisk has been a correspondent in the Middle East for 30 years, his knowledge is astounding, to say the least. He pulls no punches and shows no favouritisms . He has interviewed Bin Laden at least twice, and details his story as any journalist should-factually. Each time I put the book down I feel harrowed, haunted with the actions of my fellow man-this is not a pleasant read. I have made a few comments regarding Iran on this blog in the past see-

http://letstryeurope.blogspot.com/2007/03/is-this-road-for-irans-future.html

http://letstryeurope.blogspot.com/2006/12/it-didnt-really-happen.html

I know feel that my judgment of Iran may have been somewhat harsh, although this by no means Switzerland. The Islamic Revolution was an unbelievable bloody affair, which deposed the the unbelievably bloody(and corrupt) Shah-who was put in place by the Western powers.
After the revolution Iraq was provided with enough weapons, and chemical weapons with which to destroy Iran(take a guess by whom!).Chemical weapons were then responsible for the mass killing of Iranian soldiers, who were woefully ill equipped due to arms embargoes imposed by guess who. This continued for years during the eighties until 1988, during which time the US shot down a civilian Iranian airliner in July 1987 killing 290 men, women and children!
What exactly do we expect from a country that was attacked by it's neighbour with the help of the international community which resulted in the death of a million of it's people?
Back to the book- there is so much that has happened in our recent history that we choose to ignore(or are forced to ignore-Turkey continues to threaten anyone who mentions the Armenian Genocide with jail within Turkey and financial sanctions outside). As I have mentioned before: http://letstryeurope.blogspot.com/2006/08/if-you-were-in-their-shoes.html
the holocaust was an abomination, but that, does not excuse Israel's behaviour since it's wars with it's neighbours began in 1948. What I had never realised was the amount of people displaced from the occupied territories during that time, what I didn't realise was the conditions of people within those areas-how can we ignore the fact that a civilized/western country inflicts such suffering and abuse upon the people under it's occupation(within the occupied territories)? I have always believed in the Jewish people's right to a homeland, and always will(it's Arab neighbours do accept it's right to exist), but it is time that they now fell in line with both UN resolutions and the Geneva Convention. At that time, and only at that time may we see a cease of hostilities from militant groups living under Israeli occupation. The killing of civilians is not only wrong for the Palestinians, it's also wrong for Israelis-that is an irrefutable fact, anywhere in the world!

As I said, it is a difficult read, but one thing stands out throughout the book, and that is America's role, especially in the last 25 years. Many people believe George W to be the instigator of many of today's troubles-he hasn't helped, that's for sure, but he is not much worse than his predecessors.Clinton refused to stand up when needed, Israel is the prime example. The UK has been largely irrelevant, but should have done more.Of course we were largely responsible for screwing up the area during the first 50 years of the last century, which is why we have the problems that exist today.
We take no notice of the statistics that come out of the Middle East, we have grown bored,complacent,apathetic. The Middle East of course, is not the only war torn area
in the world-Darfur comes to mind. Isn't it time to choose leaders that have the courage and conviction to seek peace- where it's possible, forge ties with nations, to foster understanding instead of standoffs(Iran, Syria and Lebanon come to mind)? Isn't it time to support those in desperate need of support(Palestine and Lebanon) instead of isolating them.Isn't it time to throw in the towel when you are so obviously on the wrong track(Iraq)? It is the sixth anniversary of 9/11 tomorrow, and that atrocity can never, ever be justified in any way. I believe that justice does need to be done, if Pakistan pulls it's finger out, it may well be.
Crimes against humanity can never be excused, either during wartime or peacetime.Bin Laden is not the only war criminal out there, and one day when peace eventually returns to the Middle East-including Israel, and all occupying armies have gone home(including Israel, and the UK) I hope the UN can begin to look at all civilian deaths and begin to punish those responsible whatever their nationality or position.
The policies of the last goodness knows how many years, have just not worked, for anyone.
Okay, back to reading the book, see you in 700 pages!
Allah Akbah, Shalom, God be with you-where-ever you are
inserted by chris m on Monday, September 10, 2007 (show less)

short excerpt

This fantastic excerpt is incomplete, due to copyright/subscription issues, and therefore I will not mention the author or source-quite naughty really(but it is not mine)

I was not good at drawing faces. I was just joking most of the time. I was not decisive in changing rooms or anywhere. I was so late because I was looking for flowers. I was just going through a tunnel whenever my mother called. I was not able to make toast without the radio. I was not able to tell if compliments were backhanded. I was not as tired as I said.

You were not able to ignore furniture imperfections. You were too light to arm the airbag. You were not able to open most jars. You were not sure how you should wear your hair, and so, ten minutes late and halfway down the stairs, you would examine your reflection in a framed picture of dead family. You were not angry, just protecting your dignity.

I was not able to run long distances. You were so kind to my sister when I didn’t know how to be kind. I was just trying to remove a stain; I made a bigger stain. You were just asking a simple question. I was al­most always at home, but I was not always at home at home. You were not able to cope with a stack of more than three books on my bedside table, or mixed currencies in the change dish, or plastic. I was not afraid of being alone; I just hated it. You were just admiring the progress of someone else’s garden. I was so tired of food.

We went to the Atacama. We went to Sarajevo. We went to Tobey Pond every year until we didn’t. We braved thirteen inches of snow to attend a lecture in a planetarium. We tried having dinner par­ties. We tried owning nothing. We left handprints in a moss garden in Kyoto, and got each other off under a towel in Jaffa. We braved my parents’ for Thanksgiving and yours for the rest, and how did it hap­pen that we were suddenly at my father’s side while he drowned in his own body? I lay beside him on the bed, observed my hand reaching for his brow, said, “Despite everything-” “What everything?” he asked, so I said, “Nothing,” or nothing.

I was always destroying my passport in the wash. You were always awful at esti­mating. You were never willing to think of my habits as charming. I was just insisting that it was already too late to master an instrument or anything. You were never one to mention physical pain.

You loved tiny socks. You were not depressed, but you were unhappy. Your unhappiness didn’t make me defensive; I just hated it. He was never happy unless held. I loved hammering things into walls. You hated having no inner life.

“I was always watching movie trailers on my computer. You were always wiping surfaces. I was always hearing my father’s laugh and never remembering his face. You broke every one’s heart until you suddenly couldn’t



At a certain point you became convinced that you were always reading yesterday’s newspaper. At a certain point I stopped agonizing over being understood, and became over-reliant on my car’s G.P.S You couldn’t tolerate trace amounts of jelly in the peanut butter jar. I couldn’t tolerate gratuitously boisterous laughter. At a certain point I could stare without pretext or apology. Isn’t it funny that if God were to reveal and explain Himself, the majority of the world would necessarily be disappointed? At a certain point you stopped wearing sunscreen.”


You couldn't tolerate people who couldn't tolerate babies on planes. I couldn't tolerate people who insisted that having a coffee after lunch would keep them up all night. At a certain point I could hear my knees and felt no need to correct other people's grammar. How can I explain why foreign cities came to mean so much to me?At a certain point you stopped agonizing over your ambitiousness, but at a certain point you stopped trying. I couldn't tolerate magicians who did things that someone who actually had magical powers would never do...





“And here we aren’t, so quickly: I’m not twenty-six and you’re not sixty. I’m not forty-five or eighty-three, not being hoisted onto the shoulders of anybody wading into the sea.”


...I changed and changed, and with more time I will change more. I'm not disappointed, just quiet. Not unthinking, just restless. Not willfully unclear, just trying to say it as it wasn't. The more I remember, the more distant I feel. We reached the middle so quickly. After everything it's like nothing. I have always never been here. What a shame it wasn't easy. What a waste of what? What a joke. But come. Be beside me somewhere: on the split stools of this bar, by the edge of this cliff, in the seats of this borrowed car, at the prow of this ship, on the all-forgiving cushions of this threadbare sofa in this one-story copper-crying fixer upper whose windows we once squinted through for hours before coming to our senses: "What would we even do with such a house?"

Aussie Rob-RIP

http://lantaulife.blogspot.com/2010/07/aussie-rob.html

Scmp article about Mui-Wo with guest appearance by Mark

Scmp article about Mui-Wo
Here is a link to the article that was published about Mui-wo in the SCMP, but also with an interview from Mark. There is also a pic of Jaimie.

http://www.urbanphoto.net/blog/2010/07/04/growing-pains-in-hong-kongs-backwater/

First typhoon of the year.

Normality-revised

Normality-(revised)
I have almost rewritten the list(I have far too much time on my hands) as I found huge discrepancies from the person who first posted it(and who I stole it from) and the original list by Paulo Coelho in the book. These differences actually changed the author's original meanings(there was even an extra point), and therefore in respect to him I made these changes. Below is the list as written by the author.
It is not a comprehensive list, I can think of a lot more things that define normality, just interesting. I make no comment on the correctness- different strokes etc....
Also is it wrong to be normal? Sometimes I wish I was more 'normal'! Then again, maybe not!

From the book “The winner stands alone”

1] Normal is anything that makes us forget who we are and what we want that way we can work in order to produce and reproduce and earn money.

2] Setting out rules for waging war (the Geneva Convention).

3] Spending years at university only to find at the end of it all that you are unemployable.

4] Working from nine till five at something that gives you no pleasure at all just so that, after 30 years you can retire.

5] Retiring and discovering that you no longer have enough energy to enjoy life, and dying a few years later of sheer boredom.
6] Using Botox.

7] Believing that power is much more important than money and that money is much more important than happiness.
8] Making fun of anyone who seeks happiness rather than money and accusing them of lacking ambition.

9] Comparing objects like cars, houses and clothes, and defining life according to these comparisons instead of trying to discover the real reason for being alive.

10] Never talking to strangers. Saying nasty things about the neighbours.

11] Believing that your parents are always right.

12] Getting married, having children and staying together long after all love has died, saying that it’s for the good of the children (who are apparently deaf to the constant rows).

12ª] Criticising anyone who tries to be different.

14] Waking up each morning with to an hysterical alarm-clock on the bedside table.

15] Believing absolutely everything that appears in print.

16] Wearing a scrap of coloured cloth wrapped around your neck, even though it serves no useful purpose but which answers to the name of tie.

17] Never asking a direct question, even though the other person can guess what it is you want to know.

18] Keeping a smile on your lips when you're on the verge of tears. Feeling sorry for those who show their feelings.

19] Believing that art is either worth a fortune, or worth nothing at all.

20] Despising anything that was easy to achieve because if no sacrifice was involved, it obviously isn't worth having.
21] Following fashion trends, however ridiculous or uncomfortable.

22] Believing that all famous people have tons of money saved up.

23] Investing a lot of time and money in external beauty and caring little about inner beauty.

24] Using every possible means to show that although you're just an ordinary human being, you're far above other mortals.

25] Never looking anyone in the eye when you're travelling on any kind of public transport, in case it's interpreted as a sign you're trying to get off with them .

26] Standing facing the door in a lift and pretending you're the only person there, regardless of how crowded it is.

27] Never laughing too loudly in a restaurant, however good the joke.

28] In the Northern hemisphere, always dressing according to the season: bare arms in spring (however cold it is) and woollen jacket in autumn (no matter how warm it is).

29] In the Southern hemisphere, covering the Christmas tree with fake snow, even though winter has nothing to do with the birth of Christ.

30]Assuming as you grow older, that you're the guardian of the world's wisdom, even if you haven't necessarily lived enough to know what's right and wrong.

31] Going to a charity tea party and thinking that you've done your bit towards putting an end to social inequality in the world.

32] Eating three times a day, even if you're not hungry.

33] Believing that other people are always better than you: better-looking, more capable, richer ,more intelligent and that it's very dangerous to step outside your own limits, so it's best to do nothing.

34] Using the car as a weapon and as impenetrable armour.

35] Swearing when in heavy traffic.

36] Believing that everything your child does wrong is entirely down to the company he or she keeps.

37] Marrying the first person who offers you a decent position in society. Love can wait.

38] Always saying “I tried”, when you didn't really try at all.

39] Postponing doing the really interesting things in life for later, when you won't have the energy.

40] Avoiding depression with large daily doses of television.

41] Believing that you can be sure of everything you have achieved.

42] Assuming that women don’t like football and that men aren't interested in home decoration and cooking.

43] Blaming the government for all the bad things that happen.

44] Thinking that being a good, decent and respectable person will mean that others will see you as weak, vulnerable and easy to manipulate.

45] Being equally convinced that aggression and rudeness are synonymous with having a powerful personality.

46] Being afraid of having an endoscopy (if you're a man) and giving birth (if you're a woman).

Normal?

Inventory of normality
Published on January 7, 2009 in Warrior of Light. 101 Comments

in the book “The winner stands alone”

1] Anything that makes us forget our true identity and our dreams and makes us only work to produce and reproduce.

2] Making rules for a war (the Geneva Convention).

3] Spending years at university and then not being able to find a job.

4] Working from nine in the morning to five in the afternoon at something that does not give us the least pleasure, so that we can retire after 30 years.

5] Retiring only to discover that we have no more energy to enjoy life, and then dying of boredom after a few years.

6] Using Botox.

7] Trying to be financially successful instead of seeking happiness.

8] Ridiculing those who seek happiness instead of money by calling them “people with no ambition”.

9] Comparing objects like cars, houses and clothes, and defining life according to these comparisons instead of really trying to find out the true reason for being alive.

10] Not talking to strangers. Saying nasty things about our neighbors.

11] Thinking that parents are always right.

12] Getting married, having children and staying together even though the love has gone, claiming that it’s for the sake of the children (who do not seem to be listening to the constant arguments).

12ª] Criticizing everybody who tries to be different.

14] Waking up with a hysterical alarm-clock at the bedside.

15] Believing in everything that is printed.

16] Wearing a piece of colored cloth wrapped around the neck, known by the pompous name “necktie”.

17] Never asking direct questions, even though the other person understands what you want to know.

18] Keeping a smile on your face when you really want to cry. And feeling sorry for those who show their own feelings.

19] Thinking that art is worth a fortune, or that it is worth absolutely nothing.

20] Always despising what was easily gained, because the “necessary sacrifice” – and therefore also the required qualities – are missing.

21] Following fashion, even though it all looks ridiculous and uncomfortable.

22] Being convinced that all the famous people have tons of money.

23] Investing a lot in exterior beauty and paying little attention to interior beauty.

24] Using all possible means to show that even though you are a normal person, you are infinitely superior to other human beings.

25] In any kind of public transport, never looking straight into the eyes of the other passengers, as this may be taken for attempting to seduce them.

26] When in an elevator, looking straight at the door and pretending you are the only person inside, however crowded it may be.

27] Never laughing out loud in a restaurant, no matter how funny the story is.

28] In the Northern hemisphere, always wearing the clothes that match the season of the year: short sleeves in springtime (however cold it may be) and a woolen jacket in the fall (no matter how warm it is).

29] In the Southern hemisphere, decorating the Christmas tree with cotton wool, even though winter has nothing to do with the birth of Christ.

30] As you grow older, thinking you are the wisest man in the world, even though not always do you have enough life experience to know what is wrong.

31] Going to a charity event and thinking that it is enough to put an end to all the social inequalities in the world.

32] Eating three times a day, even when not hungry.

33] Believing that the others are always better at everything: they are better-looking, more resourceful, richer and more intelligent. Since it’s very risky to venture beyond your own limits, it’s better to do nothing.

34] Using the car as a way to feel powerful and in control of the world.

35] Using foul language in traffic.

36] Thinking that everything your child does wrong is the fault of the company he or she is keeping.

37] Marrying the first person who offers a position in society. Love can wait.

38] Always saying “I tried”, even though you haven’t tried at all.

39] Putting off doing the most interesting things in life until you no longer have the strength to do them.

40] Avoiding depression with massive daily doses of television programs.

41] Believing that it is possible to be sure of everything you have won.

42] Thinking that women don’t like football and that men don’t like interior decoration.

43] Blaming the government for everything bad that happens.

44] Being convinced that being a good, decent and respectful person means that the others will find you weak, vulnerable and easy to manipulate.

45] Being convinced that aggressiveness and discourtesy in treating others are signs of a powerful personality.

46] Being afraid of fibroscopy (men) and childbirth (women).

47] And finally, thinking that your religion is the sole proprietor of the absolute truth, the most important, the best, and that the other human beings in this immense planet who believe in any other manifestation of God are condemned to the fires of hell.

Today's news

A week in the life...

A week in the life....

Sunday-Leave the beach in Lantau fly to Taiwan. Taiwan is really just halfway between Hong-Kong and China, a little lost in its identity really.
Fly to LAX on Delta and the narrowest seats I have ever come across, I can hardly walk when I get off the plane. Then onto Mexico City.

Monday- Stranded in Mexico city for 24 hours, miss flight because I fall asleep after trying to stay awake so I don't get robbed. This was another of those hallucinating times, but this time not only did my vision go but also the weirdest thing with sound as well. As I am trying desperately to keep my eyes open, all the sounds around me take on a very crystal heightened tone, until they all merge into a cacophony of sound, and I can hear strange conversations, such as being nagged and shouted at-very very bizarre! Only by begging American Airlines for a ticket back am I able to literally get the hell out of Dodge.
Tuesday- Have a couple of fags outside Dallas airport in the scorching heat. American Airlines charge US $7 for a beer, even on long haul flights and as with all North American Airlines you have to pay by credit card-even for $3 headphones to listen to the in-flight movie!
Wednesday- As we take off from Tokyo, I get a wonderful clear view of Mount Fuji and then of Tokyo itself. Watch England game back on Lantau.
Thursday- Fly to Shanghai, arrive at 1am stay at the airport hotel. Watch Italy game in room.
Friday.-Walk into the fish pond in the Shanghai hotel as I am walking along looking at my tickets. Shoes, socks and bottom of pants soaking. Not the best way to fly! 13 hours in Toronto airport. Standing outside having a fag, as ever, I couldn't remember where I was and only after mentally retracing my steps did I remember!
Saturday- Fly to Mexico City, and then Guadalejera.

Move along sir!

2.00am-Silvermine Bay beach
I am not sure how long I had been there to be honest, but there I was. On a covered bench at 2am smoking a fag, I hadn't seen another human being for at least half an hour, I had my beat box next to me blasting out the loudest music possible. In front of me was the sea and the relentless wind. The 2 police men stopped directly in front of me and the second one said' please turn down the music' 'no' I said, and after a short conversation he said ' I don't want to argue with you anymore, I'm going' and off he went.
I have spent a long time since, thinking about this short exchange, and let me make it clear-I really do have the upmost respect for the Hong Kong police, and I am convinced this would never have happened elsewhere.
I was awakened from my reverie by the policeman's request to switch down the music, and it is really impossible to write down with any accuracy the speed and volume of thoughts that went through my head before I decided upon 'no' as an answer.
I am not a fucking fool and immediately I thought 'this is a man with a gun,a truncheon and possibly other things that could seriously hurt me and if he fails there is always his mate as well'.

On the other hand though, I was sat on a beach at least a quarter of a mile from the nearest house which I did tell said policeman after I said no and he told me I was noisy and I told him I was sat on a beach, and he said someone might complain and I told him there was no one within a quarter of a mile. It was at that point that he told me he didn't want to argue and rode away. Could I have gotten away with that anywhere else? No fucking way! Across most of the world the police have some really big mental shit going on, especially in England and the US. I was there tonight, a lone man on a beach, defying 2 coppers, I knew full well that if I was elsewhere they would have dragged me off to jail before I could utter ' bent copper'. The officer i met tonight though, considered my non compliance and thought' well ,he is actually well within his rights, let him be' and went on his way. He doesn't know it, but I am so thankful that there are still policeman as upstanding and honest as him.

The Yuppies are taking over the asylum.

The Yuppies are taking over the asylum.
I have lived on Lantau-on and off for 17 years, and during that time I have seen many changes. When I first arrived in Lantau it was almost a backpackers/hippy paradise, there were very few foreigners, and those people lived quite happily with the locals, the dark days of the airport soon followed and the huge influx of airport workers clashed terribly with the locals-often violently. The culture clash was deep indeed, taking the bus to Pui-O was a real drag, and the locals began to resent all foreign men under 50. Thankfully those times passed with the completion of the airport and things once again settled down.
For the last 5 years more and more families settled in Lantau, and a lot of us started families of our own. Locals and foreigners now live side by side, and our kids are friends and those cultural differences seem to be much less marked-until now!
Living in an idyllic place such as this word is bound to get out, and more and more affluent foreigners have begun to settle here. This is in itself not a problem, although it has pushed up prices for us riffraff-but that's life.
What is now becoming apparent is another cultural clash, this time not only with the locals, here is an example;
Wang Tong in Mui-Wo, is situated in the swamp behind the beach, and rents there have remained low for many years-and there is a reason for that which I will come to. Recently a few large houses have grown there, which were built by foreigners but the majority of the village has remained the same-cheap housing and holiday flats. A group of people who apparently represent foreigners have recently begun a campaign to change some things in the village.
• Reduce noise in the village by closing holiday flats
• Control the number of dogs loose in the village
• Rehouse a particular person who lives in a house with no roof at the entrance to the village-he is apparently an eyesore.
• Close the toilet bar
Mui-Wo is a seaside town-if you don't want to live next to holiday flats , you should have done your research before moving to Wang Tong! This is important income for Mui-Wo residents and any chance of changing that will seriously piss them off, and that is really not a good idea. I can give you a list of people who can attest to that.
Go to any New Territories village and you will see lots of loose dogs, they are a part of life, and unless they are dangerous are nobody's business.
How someone lives is none of your damn business-if that person wants to change his life he will, who are we to dictate?
Good luck with closing the toilet bar-it never has any noise complaints against it, it is a perfectly legal shop, the same as hundreds dotted around Hong Kong, and once again I certainly wouldn't want to mess with a locally owned shop and then have to walk to Wang Tong every night.
In the end, things are how they are, and that is part of Lantau's charm, and the local people accept us and our differences quite happily, we should do the same-or piss off back to where we came from.

If-again

I never tire of this, it remains as true today as it ever was-
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And—which is more—you'll be a Man my son!
—Rudyard Kipling

jet lag

Jet lag-
I never really understood the full effects of jet-lag until yesterday. I arrived back in Hong Kong at 6.30am from Tuscon, Arizona via Los Angeles and Vancouver. I did some boring shit in the morning, and then lay down on my bed at around 11.30am.At 11.45 i was in the middle of a dream that involved me waiting in line at security at a nameless airport, and then i was awoken by my phone. It took me a good 2 minutes to clear my head and get to grips that i was no longer travelling and realise where i was. I had a great afternoon at the beach with friends, but I did feel a little tired. Most of my mates passed through and then went into the town, and I promised that i would follow them later. Mid evening I walked into town by myself to catch up with everyone and made a fatal mistake and sat on a bench at the harbour, to have a smoke and enjoy the view. Here's where the jet-lag really kicked in! I came to, and panicked and thought, fuck what time is it? Have i missed that flight? Where am i? Where's my bag? Not being able to answer any of these questions I did what I always do in such situations and 'took a moment' during my moment I thought Where am I going? Where have I been? My bag is probably with someone! It was then that I heard a lot of Cantonese voices to the left of me, and my first thought was-i must be waiting for a flight back to Hong Kong. I honestly at this point had no idea where i was, or what i was doing. A minute went by , I was quite happy knowing that i must be waiting for the same flight as the Chinese people next to me. Then it occurred to me that i could only hear Cantonese voices .At every point in this story , my eyes had been open, i was sat on a bench with the South China Sea less than 5 metres away with all the noise that entails. At the exact moment that i realised it was really strange to only hear Chinese people in an airport, the curtains opened before my eyes , and my brain accepted the reality of what my eyes had been seeing for the last 5 minutes. I had had moments of hallucination during extreme times of tiredness recently, but for my brain to completely disregard what my eyes were seeing is another matter entirely! That is jet-lag.

Delhi

Day 6.Not a great day yesterday. After the hell that was Delhi, being shut up in a small room with lots of other people who had dared to transit through Delhi airport, they do their upmost to make the experience as unpleasant as possible-they really hate transit passengers there. I was lucky I was only starved, confined and shouted at for 8 hours, there were others who had done 18-24 hours. A certain camaraderie was established though, and hands were shook as people escaped. I got talking to a gay Filipino guy(from Pampanga) on his way back to work(in an American base)in Afghanistan! He assured me that these conditions were normal in Delhi. I did raise the issue with him that the Philippine government had banned Filippinas working in Afghanistan and Iraq, he told me that if you paid the right people in the Philippine immigration dept, that was not a problem. So after a very nice and brief stop in Munich, (I went outside and watched a polo match, and Lufthansa kindly provide free hot drinks and newspapers in the airport) I arrived in good cheer at Prague. I was then stuck in customs for 7 hours. I learnt a valuable lesson yesterday, never assume things will run smoothly, and sleep whenever you get the chance-don't wait. I was so tired that I began to hallucinate as I tried to stay awake. The customs hall would visually blur into one and the sounds of the people became a very sharp echo. I found myself continuously shaking myself out of these mini-trips to see people watching me, and wondering what the hell is that hippy on? Sleep deprivation-the ultimate high!
Luckily I suppose, when I finally arrived (midnight)at the Pensione (hotel) it was in the middle of nowhere. Otherwise I would have been tempted to have a walkabout, the temptation to explore is very strong in a new place. As it was I went straight to sleep, and slept like a log.
I had a walk around before breakfast this morning, and it is very pretty near the Pensione, I must be in the suburbs. I will probably have a quick look around Prague before heading back to the airport, and then I'm not sure.

Prague

Day 7.
I am here again in the hell that is the transit lounge in Delhi. I have been on the road for a week now. I seem to be on my way back to Singapore, not sure where to then.
I had a fantastic morning yesterday in Prague. I managed to have a 4 hour walk around the city. It was a warm spring day, and I even managed to top up the old tan. Prague is surely the beautiful city in the world. The architecture is simply breathtaking, and the Czechs really know how to treasure and take care of their heritage. Prague really is a friendly lovely place. It is not cheap anymore, but probably cheaper than London. It is a must see city, you haven't seen Europe unless you have seen Prague. I prefer it to Paris or Rome, although Barcelona is hard to beat, but I think that's because of the beaches. The flight from Prague to Munich is a short flight-40 minutes, but the countryside in between is very pretty. The plane flies low so the view was as clear as a bell. I could see cyclists and even people walking in the countryside. For possibly the first time i found myself thinking 'I wish I could drive' i would love to explore the whole area of Southern Germany into Austria and across to the Czech Republic. There are so many small villages, valleys, rolling hills, lakes, and forests. Unlike Northern Germany and Europe, it really is unspoilt by industry and large cities. At times from the air it looks as though someone has laid down a velvet rug, the greens and yellows of the fields look so clear and smooth. Definitely on my list of places to take the kids, not sure about the driving though. Again I was most impresses in Munich by how helpful and friendly the Germans are. I realised that my German is better than my Cantonese, it always surprises me how much I can understand. Most people mistook me for a German, and I tried my best to speak German to them, but i am very rusty. The more I see Europe, the more I think I would rather my kids grew up there rather than England, but we can't always get what we want.

Airports

Day 4. In Delhi airport.
On a scale of 1-10 I decided to rank some of the airports where I've spent some time.
Singapore-10
Seoul-9
Hong Kong-8
Helsinki-7
Copenhagen-7
Heathrow-5
Los Angeles-5
Chicago-5
San Francisco-5
Toronto-5
Gatwick-4
Detroit-4
Atlanta-4
Penang-4
Manchester-3
Liverpool -3
Manila-1
Delhi - -3


Yes, Delhi has been that good. Enough said. Munich and Prague airports to follow.
Munich-8
Prague-7
Bangkok-5

Penang

Is in a hotel in Penang.I came here about 13 years ago, wasn't too impressed then either.Georgetown is a bit of a faded traveller's hangout.Not sure why they come here really, same old reggae bars etc, but there are no great beaches here or fantastic temples. In fact it was busier and its redeeming factor 13 years ago was that it must have neen how Hong Kong looked years ago, but now even that life has gone.The Chinese have moved out to the huge malls and entertainment complexes in the suburbs.Nervertheless it has been great to get off the road and see something new even if I only arrived at 11pm. I have been stuck in either the Philippines or China for years now, nice to see the other Asia again.

travels

Me In Detroit


I have decided that I like the U.S. I am now sat in Detroit airport for the umpteenth time over the last few weeks. The people are genuinely friendly. I was in LAX last night, flying over Los-Angeles at dusk was brilliant. Wow! What a city, it is absolutely huge, I haven't been so impressed landing at a city since the old Hong Kong airport(although planes do still fly over the city sometimes). I had a great view from the business class seat of my Philippine airline flight(that sounds better than the reality, they still only have 2 movies!), as the plane flew right over downtown LA, and then over most of the city to LAX. Of course I was imagining all the guns, cops, and Hank from Californication in the streets below. I was just as starstruck as I took off 3 hours later for Detroit. I did manage to mingle, and people-watch as I smoked myself to death outside the airport for an hour. I found the people and staff much cooler(in a positive sense) than those in Atlanta, Detroit, or Chicago, although San-Francisco is still up there. So California is definitely on my list for a longer visit. I have been surprised by the sheer number of people here, and of course the size of the country. It's a little like China, but with white people, and black and brown people. The sheer myriad of peoples here is astounding-Indians, Filipinos, Russians, Africans, Chinese.....A lot of people are still trying to live that American dream. It makes Europe feel small. I haven't met any yobs on the streets or trains or in the airports-unlike the UK, where yobs rule every public place. The people here seem to be nice to each other and surprisingly intelligent, of course Europe is like that-just not the UK. Next time you are in Heathrow, Gatwick or Manchester airports, have a good look around and listen to the people there. Listen to the language and have a peek in the bars. Don't even bother with the train stations, bus stations, cinemas, supermarkets, or other public places-it's just too depressing. It is nice to blend into the hotchpotch of people and not get noticed. Yesterday I was in Manila, which can be a bit much sometimes, with people stopping staring and pointing-and even taking photos(think it must be because they think I look like Jesus 'Mummy why does Christ our Lord smoke so much?')!
Me in Chicago


I am glad that we don't have the same crime as they do here, but I have my doubts as to how that affects everyday life here, not as much as low-level violence affects life in the UK I think.
I'm waiting for a flight to Chicago now, and hope to get downtown again for a couple of hours, and then it is back to Manila via Seoul, and then I'm not joking, probably back here to Detroit. Seoul has very fast free-wifi in its airport, and I should be able to post this and any pics when I get there, and call my boys and wife on messenger who I miss very much. I spent a very boring week hanging around Mui-Wo last week, it's no fun when it's cool and rainy ,I would rather be flying.
Update(7hrs later)-I am now at Chicago O Hare airport, waiting for a flight to Seoul which is 8 hours away from now. It is nearly 6pm, so too late for me to head downtown so i will wait here. At times like these it is hard to stay awake-it is 6am Hong Kong time. I will now go to Hong Kong from Seoul and then onto Penang in Malaysia, from there I have no idea. I am never too sure how bad I look as the days pass, i have not had a chance to take a shower or sleep in a hotel yet, which is not too bad as it is only 48 hours since I left Lantau. A border Guard called me 'young man' earlier, but he looked younger than me, it must be a sign of getting old(or vain) when being called young gives you a boost.
Eruptions.
I have seen at first hand the chaos caused by the volcanic eruption, which is causing almost as much trouble as it is to try and pronounce the bloody thing! Hong Kong airport was eerily quiet and calm on Sunday, a lot of flights head to Europe from there, but as it's easy to get to from the city, most passengers had simply stayed away. Manila was as manic as ever, but that has nothing to do with the volcano, they don't really have direct flights, it is always manic. In fact it is the worst airport in the world, lazy immigration guards, surly ground staff, very few people working there seem to want to be working there. I asked 5 security guards/porters how to get from one terminal to the other last week, and every one of them told me to take a taxi, and denied the existence of a shuttle bus which I eventually found. If a management team was to try and improve Manila airport, it would have to fire 90% of the staff there for incompetence and corruption. I digress- but it is the pits.
I could see some big queues in LAX(immigration and customs were a joy by the way, including the large number of Filipinos working there!) but I wasn't really taking much notice. It was only in Chicago that I have seen the full effects, Chicago being one of the main European hubs for North America. At all of the airlines serving Europe, the queues were massive, full of very worried people pushing and shoving, shouting and crying. The main problem being that it seemed to be airlines themselves dictating policy, for example United Airlines were flying to London, but BA wasn't, although they did have one flight to Glasgow-best stay in Chicago really. Scandinavian Airlines were flying but Air France were not. This may of course have more to do with where the cloud is than the airlines choice, but I can see flying to Europe being hell for the next week or so. I wouldn't have minded getting stranded in London myself, or if you were on holiday in Cyprus or in Australia, being a week late back to the UK surely would have been a bonus.
As you can tell I am pretty bored, and actually I am just trying to stay awake, so on that note I'll go and have another fag.
Update(another 3 hours later) I have just nipped into the toilet to change my socks, noxious is an understatement. I'm airside now and only another 2 hours before the flight, and then 14 hours up to the Arctic and down again to Korea. I don't think I'll see much this time, I was fascinated last time and stayed awake the whole time, as I thought ' well, this is definitely a place I'll never visit so I may as well watch it from above' . Didn't see any polar bears though!
Heard on CNN that the UK are using naval ships to get people back home, very exciting indeed. It's just what Gordon Brown needed a couple of weeks before the election, sending in the military to help stranded Brits from the perils of France. D-day again, this time rescued from bad wine and rudeness, I can see Gordon winning a huge majority, unless they accidently rescue the thousands of Iraqis, Afghans and other illegal immigrants camped out near Calais.

Just heard about a man in the UK who has been accused of bestiality with horses and cows. The judge refused him bail as he said the defendant didn't have a stable address. True story!
Update-Just landed in Seoul, internet access- yeah!!
Me in Manila!

2 Buddhas

I have just returned from the village to pick up my laundry, and I was asked why I was back on the island and where were the family?-3 times. It's nice that people care but after the hundredth time I have decided to spice up the story a bit, and this will be my answer next time;
Whilst trekking in the Himalayas we met the Dalai Lama, who after a brief chat with my youngest son, decided that he was the living incarnation of himself. I did question the logic of this as I didn't understand how this could be, as he was still alive, so that would mean there are 2 of them, and I didn't see any financial advantage of him being the next Dalai Lama. After a brief negotiation, I went happily on my way, having been rewarded with a modest payment and a share of any royalties from tie-in books etc in the future. I threw in my eldest son for good luck-in for a penny, in for a pound! The wife wasn't overjoyed at the arrangement, being a Christian and all. In fact she kicked up an almighty fuss, and ran away with a travelling circus we met at the next town. Apparently she is now a lion tamer, she said taming lions was a synch after living with me for 10 years. The boys have had their heads shaven and are studying meditation and Tibetan. Not sure it will last though, as although saintly, I think the Dalai Lama has bitten off more than he can chew with my two.